Why don’t you ever listen? How many times do I have to tell you? Why can’t you just do what I asked you to do? These are all things that I’ve said out of frustration to my kids. They aren’t healthy ways to communicate, especially considering the tone I used to deliver the message. If I put myself in their shoes, I would feel belittled, despised, and like I’m a problem. That’s definitely not how I want my children to feel. I want them to feel cared for, valued, and loved. So why would I say such things?
The book of James illustrates how uncontrolled the tongue is:
Now if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we direct their whole bodies. And consider ships: Though very large and driven by fierce winds they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how a small fire sets ablaze a large forest. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. Every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish is tamed and has been tamed by humankind, but no one can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way.
James 3:3-10 (CSB)
We can tame animals, but we can’t tame our own tongues. The things we say can be destructive like a wildfire. We may not have even intended harm, but it happens nonetheless. As the verse says, these things should not be this way. So, how should things be? The book of Proverbs has a few things to say:
There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18 (CSB)
The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth; it adds learning to his speech. Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:23-24 (CSB)
Kind words can actually heal, but it takes wisdom to speak this way. This wisdom comes from God.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace.
James 3:17-18 (CSB)
When we mess up and say the wrong thing, which it’s guaranteed that we will, we can seek wisdom from God to cultivate peace and use our words to heal.
I confess that I have used my tongue to speak destructive words. God, please give me the wisdom to instruct my mouth to speak words that bring healing.